Feelings
by macrollins
Summary: It's hard to say goodbye when you want to stay. It's hard to smile when you want to cry. Even harder is forget when you want to love
1. Chapter 1

These are some thoughts of what could have happened after the events occurred in 09 x 10. Remembering that I don't own the characters, it's just a fan-to-fan story.

Steve was devastated by Joe's death. It was as if a Tsunami had invaded his life, dragging everything that was important to him. It wasn't easy to see his mentor, friend and almost father being buried.

Steve, it's over. Let's go? Catherine told him, waking him from her thoughts.

I want to stay here a little longer, Catherine.

It's all right. I'll be there waiting for you. Catherine said, pointing to a tree a little distant.

OK.

Steve watched her walk away.

The day before...

He was lost the day Joe died. He needs to talk to someone. He phoned Danny and the team, to tell them what had happened, but asked them not to come to him. The team decided to respect his decision, although they didn't agree with him. But talking to the team wasn't enough. Anguish continued to suffocate him. He needed his safe haven.

Though they were no longer together she was the only one who could see him through the soul, the only one who would understand him and soothe his heart.

Then he called her.

Catherine was having dinner at a restaurant when he called her.

Steve heard a romantic song in the background and wondered if she was with anyone.

Steve?

Yes, Catherine. It's me. You can talk?

Catherine felt the urgency in his voice.

Yes I Can, Steve.

I hear a song. Are you alone? He asked.

Yes, I'm in a restaurant. It's just the ambient sound. What happened, Steve?

Steve started to cry and Catherine was worried.

Steve, tell me what happened. Has anything happened to Danny, to Doris or to Mary?

With Joe. He died in my arms, Cath. Steve said, through tears.

Oh my God! Catherine said, feeling tears stream down her face.

Steve didn't tell her that he needed her there, but she knew that call was a cry for help.

Where are you, Steve?

I'm at Joe's Ranch in Montana. I'm separating his papers to organize the funeral.

I'm not far, Steve. I'll find you. Give me the address. Catherine said, taking paper and pen in her purse.

No, Catherine. It's dangerous! I couldn't protect Joe and I lost him. I don't want to lose you too.

It's not up to you to decide that, Steve. Give me the address.

Steve hesitated, but he knew he needed her a lot.

OK.

Catherine wrote down the address.

I'll be there tomorrow morning. Catherine said.

Ok. I'll be waiting for you.

Bye, Steve. Catherine said.

Love you. She thought.

Bye, Cath.

Catherine was worried about him.

How many more losses can Steve handle? She thought.

Catherine arrived at the ranch in the morning as she promised.

Steve heard the sound of the car coming and was relieved when he saw her.

Catherine got out of the car and saw him coming toward her.

Catherine ran to him and hugged him.

He's gone, Catherine. I can't believe he's gone.

I'm so sorry, Steve! I'm really sorry! How are you feeling? Catherine asked, holding his face with both hands.

I feel like a storm is throwing me at the pier.

Both cried embraced.

I'm going to avenge his death, Catherine. I told him I'd do it.

Catherine shook her head, affirmatively.

I'll help you with this. We'll do it together.

I don't want anything bad to happen to you. Steve told her.

Will not happen. We'll be together in this to the end. It doesn't matter if you're close or far, what I feel won't change. She said, looking him in the eye.


	2. Chapter 2

As Catherine stepped away, Steve knelt before Joe's grave.

Forgive me, Joe. I'm really sorry. It's all my fault. I can't change what happened, but I'm going to get every person responsible for your death. And Catherine will help me. She's here, Joe. When you told me not to be slow to find someone, I know you were referring to her. I really want us both to work together again. I just think I'm not ready yet.

Steve paused and looked at her.

I'm still not prepared to forget that she said I wasn't enough.

Steve sighed.

Yes, Joe. I know I must forgive. Actually, I've already forgiven. Now I just need to forget all the pain she made me feel. But I can do it, Joe. I'll make it, you know I love this woman. You always knew.

Steve wiped his eyes.

Now I need to go, Joe. I want you to be sure that no one will go unpunished. Good bye, father.

Catherine waited for Steve to say his last words to Joe, and when he got up, she went to meet him.

Are you alright? She asked.

No, Cath. I'm not well. Let's go.

Yes let's go.

Can you drive again? He asked.

Of course yes. She said, taking the keys in his pocket.

Steve leaned his head in the car seat and closed his eyes.

Catherine knew he was not asleep, but she respected his desire to be silent.

They went back to the ranch.

Catherine, I don't think you should stay here. They might come after me. I don't want you to be in danger.

When were we not in danger in our lives, Steve? Until we finish this, I'll be wherever you are. Even if you send me away, I'll not.

They went in and Steve revived everything that happened there. He started to try to clean the house.

Catherine touched his arm gently.

Steve, not now. You need to rest. Tomorrow we'll do it.

No, Catherine. I need to do it now, otherwise I'll go crazy.

It's all right. She said.

Thank you for understand. He said.

Catherine just nodded.

Steve's right, it's dangerous to be here. But I know that no one will move him from here, not even me. Catherine thought.

She walked around the house and found a locked room.

Steve, what's in here? She asked.

Steve took Joe's keys and opened the gun room.

Wow! Joe was well prepared for any occasion. Catherine said.

Yes, but that didn't stop his death. Steve said.

We can sleep here. It's the only room that is intact.

Yes, Is safer. He said.

Catherine knew she shouldn't talk much now because he was completely in his SEAL mode. He was crazy, removing everything that was broken in the room.

Damn! It's all Greer's fault. She's going to pay me for everything she did. Traitor! Bastard! Steve screamed, scaring Catherine.

Catherine put a mattress in the arms room and improvised a bed for them.

Greer. What does she have to do with it? She tried to pull me away from Steve, putting doubts about him in my head. And now she's involved in Joe's death. As? I'll have to wait for Steve's attack of fury to pass, so I'll can ask him. Catherine thought.

Catherine went to the kitchen and improvised a quick snack for them.

She looked at Steve who was still furious. She walked over to him and touched him gently.

Steve?

What is it, Catherine? He asked gruffly.

That's enough for today. Please stop and come and eat something.

I'm not hungry.

But Steve ...

I already said that I'm not hungry!

Steve McGarrett! You called me here! Don't you dare talk to me like that! Go take a shower and come and eat! Now! Catherine said with authority.

Her words were like a bucket of water on his face, making him come back to himself.

Okay, Cath. Excuse me. He said, dropping everything that was in his hands.

He took some clothes in his backpack and went to take a shower. Meanwhile, Catherine stared intently at the ranch yard. It was all dark and scary.

After some time he left the bathroom and ate the snack she prepared for him.

Let's go to sleep, Steve. Tomorrow will be a new day.

I need to think, Catherine. I already have a name.

Catherine put her hand over his.

We'll think about it together, tomorrow. Now you're going to try to sleep. OK?

OK.

Catherine also took her bath and prepared to sleep. She lay on the mattress and Steve locked the bedroom door. He lay down next to her and watched her fall asleep. He tried not to sleep because he was worried, but the tiredness overcame him. It was very cold and he instinctively hugged Catherine and fell asleep smelling her hair.


	3. Chapter 3

Catherine awoke in the morning with Steve's arm around her waist.

It feels so good to feel this closeness again. She thought.

Catherine turned and looked at him.

I love you and time has not taken that away from me. She thought as she saw the marks of suffering on his face.

What are you thinking? He asked, still eyes closed.

I thought you were sleeping. She said.

No. Steve said, opening his eyes and looking at her.

Was it something I said? He asked, touching her hair.

Huh? She asked, because she didn't understand what he meant.

Or was it something I did that stole you from me?

Catherine didn't expect him to ask that question and she was speechless.

Steve sighed and stood up.

And Catherine saw him go into his Seal mode again.

Steve, wait! Please! Sit down here and talk to me.

Steve was feeling an anguish that choked him, but he wouldn't deny her a request. He sat down on the mattress beside her and was silent.

She knew he was letting her talk and he would listen. The love that existed in her knew every gesture of him.

Tell me everything from the beginning so I can help you. If you don't tell me, I can't do anything. I'm here with you to face whatever comes, but I need you to talk.

Okay, Cath.

Steve told her everything. He spoke about the attack on him in his own house, about the other members of the team who were killed, about Greer, about the mission in Morocco and about Omar Hassan and his lawyer.

And Greer ran away from prison. Steve said, finishing his account of the facts.

I'm sorry for the others, Steve. But I'm glad you're alive.

I want this lawyer, I want Greer and I want Omar Hassan. Steve told her. And his gaze was scary.

Do we have the name of this lawyer? Catherine asked.

We have.

Great! I'll ask for some favors. She said, touching his arm.

He just nodded.

Joe told me it was good to have friends at the agency. Was he talking about you? Steve asked.

Maybe. Maybe Doris. I don't know. Catherine said.

Are you even willing to help me? Steve asked, now looking at her like a helpless child.

I already said yes. She said looking at him.

Since the moment Catherine arrived the ranch, Steve's eyes searched her eyes all day. If there was not the courage to say "I love you," the eyes showed the truth. Truth that they didn't speak with their mouths.

OK. I need to go.

Go where, Steve?

I need to fix the house. Joe loved this ranch and I'll not let it end like this.

It's all right. Go! I'll call you for breakfast.

OK.

Catherine understood that he needed some time just for him, though she also knew he wanted her there.

A week went by like this. Catherine called some contacts and asked for favors to find Omar Hassan's lawyer. Steve looked after the ranch while his mind worked to get a plan to avenge Joe's death.

They lay down to sleep and both looked at the ceiling for some time. Catherine looked at him.

Your beard is growing. She said, touching his face.

You don't like? He asked.

Yes, you look charming with that beard. She said, smiling.

Steve couldn't stop himself and without thinking of anything else, he placed himself on her and kissed her with intensity.

I want you, Catherine!

I want you too, Steve!

And then? He asked.

After? We never think about the after. Kiss me, love me, as if tomorrow didn't exist, sailor.


	4. Chapter 4

Catherine woke up and turned to look at Steve.

They had a very intense night. She felt that he had discharge all that was repressed in the soul and in the heart.

Steve was lying beside her, looking at the ceiling thoughtfully.

"Thinking about what?" Catherine asked, resting her head on his chest.

"In Joe. I can't forget his image dying in my arms, Catherine."

Steve cried and Catherine remained silent, making circles with her hand on his belly.

Some time later he stopped crying.

"Excuse me." He spoke, placing a hand in her hair.

"You don't need to apologize. Whenever you feel like crying, cry. I've been doing this a lot for four years." Catherine said.

Steve understood what she meant.

"Catherine, about last night ..."

"No, don't say anything, I don't want to hear from your mouth that you've regretted it," Catherine said, lifting her head and looking at him.

"I wasn't going to say that. I was going to say it was very important to me." Steve said seriously.

"Okay. It was important to me, too." Catherine replied.

"I need you to help me think. I can't reason right."

"I know that, Steve, but we have to wait until they find the lawyer so I can think of what to do."

"We can go to Denmark to look for him." Steve said.

"Not!" Catherine said emphatically.

"Why not?" Steve asked.

"That's enough what happened in Afghanistan! That will not happen again, I'll not let it!" Catherine said, looking at him, determined.

"I'm paying vey dearly for what happened in Afghanistan." Catherine thought, but didn't tell him that.

"Ok! Don't be nervous! let's do it your way. I tried to do things my way with Joe and you can see what happened." Steve said.

"Great. I just need you to trust me." Catherine said, looking at him.

Steve nodded.

He trusted her with his own life, despite everything that happened between them.

"What you gonna do today?" Catherine asked.

"I'll continue to repair the house and also look after the horses as we continue to await news of your contacts."

"Okay, I need to go to the city to buy some things. I don't know how long we'll still be here." Catherine said, getting up.

"Okay. Be careful, Cath!"

"Be careful you too, Steve!"

Catherine dressed and left.

"Come back soon, Catherine." He said, watching her car go.

In Hawaii, Danny and the team were meeting at headquarters.

"I'm not satisfied that Steve doesn't want to go home." Danny said.

"It's his decision, we have to respect it." Junior said.

"But it's much worse to be there alone. At least I think so." Tani said worriedly.

"He knows what he's doing." Lou said.

"I'll call him again." Danny said, picking up the phone.

Steve was taking care of the horses when he got the call from Danny.

"Steve?"

"Hey, Danny."

"How are you?" Danny asked.

"How do you think I'm, Danny?" Steve asked.

"Come home, Steve, you can't stay there alone."

Steve omitted Catherine's presence. He didn't want to hear advice or judgment about her.

I don't know when I'm coming back, Danny. And I don't want you to come after me. Do you understand? Steve said, being hard to Danny.

All right, Steve. Sorry to bother you. Danny said, ending the call.

I don't say that he's an animal? I here, worried about him, and look how he treats me.

He's a wounded animal now. We need to give him some time. Adam said.

Catherine was slow to return, and Steve was uneasy. He was noticing again that feeling that he needed her, as in times when he asked for favors that weren't so necessary, just to be able to see her.

And the fear that she wouldn't come back took him, causing him to stop everything he was doing. He sat there, staring at the horizon.

"Where are you, Catherine?"

When she arrived, Steve ran to the car and Catherine saw that scary look on him again. He hugged her urgently.

"Steve, what happened?"

"Why did you take so long?" He asked.

Catherine saw that he wasn't well.

"Steve, the city isn't near, I spend time to go and to go back, and I still had to do the shopping, I've only been gone for five hours!"

"I was afraid that something would happen to you or that you would leave and not come back."

"Okay, I'm here now, please relax your embrace, you're holding me too tight."

Steve stopped squeezing her.

"I'm sorry, Cath, you know I care about you, even when you're away, I worry about you every day of my life."

"I know, I worry about you every day of my life, too."

They looked at each other deeply, one peering at the other's soul, and Steve kissed her.

When he finished, she smiled.

"Wow, sailor! It's good to leave you worried now and then."

"Don't even think about it". He said seriously.

"I have news! My contacts have located the lawyer, now they're planning how to handle it without leaving any clues," Catherine told him.

"That's nice." Steve only said it.

"Yes. Come on, help me with the shopping bags." Catherine said, taking the shopping bags out of the car.

"I see you're going to make your grandmother's recipe. I like that." Steve said, almost smiling.

"I know." Catherine said, smiling.

"You always know."


	5. Chapter 5

Days later...

Steve was nervous and Catherine was looking forward to news from her contacts. He now had a dark look that even she wasn't able to change. And that was bothering her, because she couldn't see him like that. It hurt in her, too.

She was sitting on the porch of the house, absorbed in her thoughts when she received a call.

Steve working the ranch outside saw this, and thought it was the CIA taking Catherine from him again.

She finished the conversation and called out cheerfully.

"Steve!"

He walked over to her, his gaze dark, shoulders slumped, and dismay. He was a man of attitudes and not someone who sat, depending on other people.

"What is it, Catherine?"

"We got him. they're bringing the lawyer in. We have to find them five hundred miles from here." Catherine said in a low voice, even if there was no one around.

"When?" Steve asked.

"Tonight."

"Great, but I have a question." Steve said.

"What?" Catherine asked.

"Is not that going to harm you? I mean, this isn't official, so what if these people tell the Agency what you did?"

Don't worry about it. They owe me, so now we're even. And once we get the information we want, you're going to arrest him, right?" Catherine asked, afraid of his answer.

"Right". He replied.

"So let's get ready." She said, entering the house.

Steve pulled her by the arm.

"Catherine!"

"Huh?" She said, turning to him.

Steve pulled her and kissed her for a long time, exploring every inch of her mouth and

making her forget, for a moment , because they were there. As if things between them had never changed.

"Thank you." He said, when in fact he wanted to say "I love you". But wounded pride still prevent him...

"You're welcome." She answered, a little disappointed.

Our days alone are over. What a pity! I was enjoying the farmer life." She thought, entering the house.

Hours later, Catherine and Steve arrived at the combined place and the agents were already waiting for them.

Hey! When you're done, we want him back. We find that he's involved in other crimes, some of which we're investigating. One of the agents told Catherine and Steve.

"Ok." Catherine said, looking for Steve and expecting a confirmation from him.

"It's all right." Steve answered.

They picked up the lawyer and went back to the ranch.

Two days later Danny arrived at the ranch and discovered that Catherine was there. He was a bit annoyed that Steve had trusted her to be there, but didn't let him and the team go there.

Danny also discovered that Steve was trying to extract information from the lawyer in a rather violent way.

Steve asked Catherine to close the door and leave him alone with the lawyer.

Catherine sat on the porch and Danny sat down beside her.

"How long have you been here, Catherine?"

"Almost a month, Danny." She answered.

"To be honest, I didn't expect to find you here." Danny told her.

"He called me, Danny. I wouldn't refuse a request from him, and when I got, I saw that I couldn't leave him alone here."

"You've left him alone before."

"But it's different now, and don't talk about what you don't know, Danny. You don't know everything that goes on in his heart, although you think you know". Catherine said, closing the subject.

"Ok! Sorry! But you're mistaken. I know what's in Steve's heart. It's You. But every time you break his heart, I have to pick up a shovel and put the pieces together." Danny said, metaphorically.

Catherine didn't have time to answer Danny because Steve got the information he wanted.

Steve discovered that Omar Hassan was in Laos and decided he would pick it up. Danny did not like the idea, but Catherine supported Steve.

Catherine, tell your people we're taking this guy back to them.

"Okay, I'll do it." Catherine said, getting up to make the call.

"She's as crazy as you, Steve. You two complement each other. The madness of one attracts the madness of the other." Danny said as Catherine walked away.

"But I need her madness." Steve said to Danny, with a serious face.

Catherine came back and said that the meeting with the agents would be in the same place and at the same time.

"Go with Danny, Steve. I'll wait here." Catherine said.

"Not! I'll not leave you here alone. You go with us and this isn't negotiable.!" Steve told Catherine.

Catherine loved Steve in protective mode. Even though she was tough, a super agent, she liked being protected by him.

"It's all right. I'll go with you." She said.

They went to the agents, took the lawyer and then returned to the ranch.

Catherine improvised a bed for Danny in the same weapons room where she and Steve slept.

Danny came into the room and was impressed.

"Wow! Joe had it all?"

"Yes, but that didn't save his life." Steve replied.

"Danny, we're sleeping here because we think it's safer. It's not very comfortable, but it's what we have." Catherine said, pointing to Danny's improvised bed.

"That's great, Catherine. Thank you."

"Then you guys can lie down, boys." Catherine said, leaving the room.

"You don't come?" Steve asked her.

"Yeah, I'll be right back. I'm going to the kitchen."

Danny waited for her to leave so he could comment.

Hmm! Double mattress. Almost a month. It makes me wonder what might have happened ...

Steve looked at him with a not very friendly look.

"Oh, come on, Steve, are you going to tell me nothing happened?"

"Not." Steve replied.

"You're lying." Danny said, smiling.

"I said no, I'll not say that nothing happened." Steve said, smiling. An almost imperceptible smile, but Danny noticed.

"Did I see that stupid smile on your face?" Yes, I did, "Danny said, laughing loudly.

"Shut up Danny, she's coming."

Catherine came into the room carrying a bottle of water and three glasses.

"What's so funny, boys? I want to laugh too." Catherine told them.

"It's nothing, Catherine. Come to bed, we'll have a full day tomorrow." Steve said, turning out the light.

"Wait, Steve, I can't see anything in this darkness." Danny complained.

"That's the idea, Danny. Lie down." Steve replied, lying down next to Catherine. He put one of the arms over her, and fell asleep feeling the soft scent of her hair.


	6. Chapter 6

Catherine woke up and Steve and Danny had already gotten up and were in the kitchen having breakfast.

"Wow! Who made the coffee and those pancakes?" She asked.

"Me, of course." Danny replied.

Steve would reply saying that he could cook, too, but he gave up the argument with Danny. He didn't have the strength for it.

"Sit down and eat, Catherine." Danny said.

"OK." Catherine said.

Catherine was about to sit on a chair, but Steve pulled the chair beside him for her to sit.

"Sit here." Steve told her.

Danny finished making the pancakes and joined Catherine and Steve at the table.

"I don't want to involve Adam and Tani in that, they aren't experienced enough, and I don't want to involve Lou, he has a family. I'm going to call Junior to go to Laos with us, if he wants to go, of course." Steve said and Catherine nodded.

"Does Lou have a family? And I don't ?" Danny asked.

"You don't have to go, Danny. You can leave any time you want." Steve said angrily, punching the table. He got up and left, leaving Danny perplexed.

"Did you see that, Catherine? I just asked a question." Danny told her.

"Forgive him, Danny. You don't know what I've heard it during this month. He isn't very well and he's not thinking. He's going apologize soon. Don't get upset." Catherine said.

Catherine took pen and paper and began to draw the plan.

"Well, we already have Steve, you, me and Junior." Catherine told Danny.

"That's very little, Catherine."

"Yeah, I know. We'll wait for him to come back and we'll see who else he wants to call."

Some time later, Steve came back.

Danny, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have talked to you like that. But I want you to know that you're free, you don't have to follow us on this mission if you don't want to. I understand you have to think about Grace and Charlie, and even about Rachel, in the first place. I would do that too if I had kids. "

"It's not because you two didn't have children that you can get involved in a suicide mission. What will you do if she dies?" Danny said to Steve, pointing at Catherine.

"And you, what will you do if he dies?" Danny asked Catherine.

"He almost died, Danny. And I'm here to support him. If I had kids, it would be different, but I don't have it." Catherine said, a little upset.

Danny realized that maybe he had touched her weak spot.

"Sorry, forget what I said." Danny said.

"All right, Danny, let's move on." Catherine said.

"Give Me a minute. I need to go to the bathroom." Danny said, coming out of the kitchen.

Catherine looked at Steve as he paced to and fro.

"Steve, who else do you want to call? I thought of Gutch, "Catherine said.

"Great, Cath, let's call him. I'll call Harry." Steve said, calmer now.

"I don't know Harry." Catherine told Steve.

"He's cool, you'll like him." Steve said.

"Did I hear Harry's name? " Danny asked, going back to the kitchen.

"Yes. You know him, too?" Catherine asked.

"Yes, he's a bit snotty, but he's competent. Be careful, Catherine, he might want to seduce you." Danny said.

Steve looked at Danny with the face of who didn't like the joke.

"Well, he might try, but I don't think he's going to make it." Catherine told Danny.

"Can you both focus on the mission?" Steve asked.

"Sure, Steve, I'm sorry." Catherine said.

"Did I notice a little bit of jealousy in him?" Catherine thought.

"We need a plane and a pilot, since we can't go on a commercial flight." Danny said.

"I already called Frank's daughter. She agreed to take us to Laos." Steve said.

"Great. Shall we make the calls now?" Catherine asked Steve.

"Yes, let's go outside." Steve told Catherine.

"I'll wait here." Danny told them.

Catherine and Steve went out and Danny watched them through the kitchen window.

"These two ... had everything to work. What went wrong? It's evident how they still love each other. One can't distance himself from the other. They're always together, though little aware of it." Danny thought.

Steve and Catherine made the calls and returned to the kitchen.

"All right, Danny, we'll leave tomorrow." Catherine said.

Catherine went to the bedroom to pack her suitcase and Danny, too.

Danny finished packing his suitcase and Catherine began to pack Steve's suitcase.

"Are you going to pack his suitcase too?" Danny asked.

"Yes. What's the problem?" Catherine asked.

"No problem. I just think you spoil him too much." Danny said.

Catherine smiled.

"I could pack your suitcase too, but you already did." Catherine replied, smiling.

Some time later, Danny missed Steve.

"Catherine, Steve's not anywhere."

"I know where he's, Danny. He goes there every day."

"Where?" Danny asked.

"He sits under the tree, where Joe died. I always go to him, because he can stay there for hours and don't realize it." Catherine said.

Catherine walked over to Steve. From far away she saw him sitting under the tree. She came over and sat down next to him, saying nothing.

Steve took her hand and entwined his fingers on her fingers. They looked at each other and said nothing. After so many years, no words were needed for one to understand what the other felt.

Steve kissed her hand and lifted it to his heart.


	7. Chapter 7

Catherine sat next to him under the tree for a long time. Steve just held her hand and stared at the horizon.

"Are we going back, Steve? It's getting late, the sunset is already here."

"This sunset is beautiful, is not it?" Steve finally spoke.

"Yes, it's really beautiful," Catherine said.

Steve released her hand and stood up.

"Let's go". He spoke and walked away, leaving her behind.

Catherine was annoyed. After all the support she was giving him, there were times when he didn't seem to care.

But at one point on the way he stopped suddenly.

"What is it?" Catherine asked, touching his arm as she reached him.

"Promise me you will be very careful on this mission. I don't want anything bad to happen to you."

"I'll be careful, Steve, I promise." She answered.

He looked at her with that confused look and so unexpectedly as he stopped in the way, he kissed her. It was an urgent kiss, that she didn't know very well how to interpret. After releasing Catherine he kept walking.

"It's all my fault. I liked Catherine and got involved with Greer, that damn viper, and because of my actions, Joe is dead." Steve thought as he walked.

"Steve, stop!" Catherine spoke aloud to him.

Steve stopped, but didn't turn to look at her.

"I know you're suffering from Joe's death, I also liked him and I know how important he was in your life, but you can't ignore the people around you." Catherine told him.

"I'm not ignoring you, Catherine, I'm fully aware of your presence."

"So stop being hostile to me and Danny, I'm giving you all of me. All of me!" Even after you said you couldn't wait for me, even after you put another woman in my place! "

"I'm not being hostile to you. I kissed you a few minutes ago." Steve said, confused.

"You never again kiss me like you're doing me a favor! I hated it!" Catherine spoke and walked, leaving him behind as he had done with her.

Some time later, Danny was on the porch when he saw them coming.

Catherine came first, walking briskly and with an annoyed expression. And Steve was right behind her.

"Hey, Catherine! You guys took so long, I made lunch and it's almost dinner time." Danny said, realizing she wasn't well.

"I'm not hungry, Danny!" Catherine said, walking past him and heading straight for the makeshift room.

Steve arrived shortly afterwards and seemed discouraged.

"What happened? Did you fight?" Danny asked.

"I didn't fight with her. Is it possible to understand the women, Danny?"

"She's your female version, who better than you to understand her?" Even if you didn't do anything, apologize, it's the best way, believe me. " Danny told Steve.

Steve just listened and didn't answer.

"Oh, one more thing! Take off that beard, you look awful." Danny said, entering the house.

Some time later, Catherine was lying down, when Steve came into the room bringing dinner.

"Cath, I brought dinner."

"I'm not hungry." She replied, her face turned to the wall.

"Stop it. Of course you're hungry." Steve replied

"Whatever I did, forgive me. I kissed you because I felt like doing it, not because I wanted to do you a favor, I don't know where you got that thought from." Steve said, being honest.

She turned to look at him.

"I liked the beard." She said, seeing that he had shaved his beard.

"I'm sorry, I need you in every way, Catherine, I couldn't avenge Joe's death without you."

She just nodded and sat down.

"Eat, please." Steve asked, placing the tray on her lap.

Catherine picked up her fork and began to eat.

"I'll come back later to get the tray." Steve told her, before returning to the kitchen.

"Did You make amends with her ?" Danny asked.

"I guess so." Steve replied.

"I can sleep in another room if you want to be alone with her." Danny told him.

"It will not be necessary, Danny. Steve said, starting to eat.

At bedtime, Steve lay down next to her. Catherine was sleepy and snuggled into his body.

"I'm cold, Steve." She said, very sleepy.

"I'll warm you up." Steve said hugging her.

The next day they met with Junior and Gutches and boarded the plane bound for Laos.

Catherine sat down next to Steve, but he was thoughtful all the way through.

"Is he thinking of Greer?" "No, it's not possible he still thinks of her after all she's done." How could he get involved with a woman like Greer? "Catherine thought, looking at him.

The trip continued its course, but Steve still seemed distant. Catherine nudged him with her arm.

"What?" Steve asked, getting out of his thoughts.

"What are you thinking?" Catherine asked him.

"I don't know, I was just thinking that we're going after Hassan for a good reason, but deep down, I understand him. He's trying to avenge his father's death and I would do the same. But he couldn't to do that if not for Greer. Greer betrayed her country and her people." Steve said, but he didn't dare look Catherine in the eye, because he had never told her about his relationship with Greer. Before he hadn't thought about it, but now it was bothering him and he didn't know how to tell her that.

"We'll find her. I'm in it with you to the end," Catherine said, with enough emphasis.

Steve just nodded.

"He was thinking about her, how I hate it, but I'm going to get her! She's going to pay for everything she did! She caused the death of Joe and the others and wants to kill Steve just because she lost him to me." Catherine thought, looking at him.


	8. Chapter 8

When they arrived in Laos, Steve did everything discreetly until he met Harry. Catherine and the others would wait for Steve to come back from this conversation.

"Be careful." Catherine told him.

Steve just nodded.

Steve went to meet Harry who had already done a good investigation for Steve and had also secured a safe house for the team.

They talked for a while and then Steve went to pick up the team with Harry and took them to the safe house.

"Harry, I want to introduce you to Catherine." Steve said.

"Nice to meet you, Harry. Steve spoke very highly of you". Catherine said, smiling.

"Nice to meet you, Catherine. I've to say that you have a lovely smile." Harry said, squeezing her hand.

"Thanks." She said, smiling once more.

As soon as she saw Catherine, Harry knew she was Steve's great love. Steve had told him he wouldn't be back to her, but that wasn't what his eyes said. Steve may be good at many things, but fails miserably when it comes to his feeling for her. He couldn't hide it.

"These two need a push". Harry thought, smiling.

They would rest that day and start plotting the next day.

At night, Harry and Steve sat on the terrace of the house. They both had a beer and enjoyed the soft breeze that touched their faces.

"Where's Catherine?" Harry asked.

"She's sleeping." Steve replied.

"It's her, isn't it?" Harry asked.

"How do you know?" Steve asked.

"I can see that she's in your mind, in your heart, in the light of your gaze. She's alive, Steve. Don't waste this opportunity, no one finds a gold bar and throws it away. I wanted that the love of my life was alive, but she isn't. So think in that, or I may want to conquer her. You know I have my charm." Harry said, smiling.

Steve smiled too, though it was a sad smile.

The next day, Harry left early and when he came back he found Steve having breakfast.

"You left early." Steve said.

"I thought Catherine would need shoes and a very elegant dress to get into the casino, so I went to arrange that and I think she's going to look just amazing in this dress," Harry said, but didn't let Steve see the dress.

"Should I be jealous?" Steve asked jokingly.

"Maybe." Harry said, smiling.

"She's wonderful in any outfit, but thanks for everything, Harry." Steve said.

"You are welcome."

Catherine went into the kitchen without knowing they were talking about her.

"Good morning guys." She said.

"Good morning," they replied.

"Harry, I want to thank you for lending a room just for me. You're very kind." Catherine said.

'You're welcome. No lady deserves sleep with a symphony of men snoring."

"Yeah! I agree with you." Catherine said, smiling.

The three of them had breakfast together and Harry realized how they looked at each other. Later Danny, Junior and Gutches arrived to have breakfast too. "

"I suggest that everyone eat well, because we'll have a lot of work to do." Harry said.

Later, Harry and Steve talked and decided that Steve and Catherine would disguise themselves as a couple.

"Did you like it?" Harry asked.

Steve just smiled shyly.

"Let's get the team together and tell them the plan and hear their opinion." Steve said, knowing he couldn't make the decision alone. Except for the part where he and Catherine would go as a couple because Steve knew that she supported him in any decision, and deep down he also knew she would like that.

They called Catherine, Danny, Junior, and Gutches into the living room and explained the plan.

"Catherine and I are going to the casino tonight." Steve said.

"I don't want to be the girl here, but I have nothing to wear." Catherine said.

"Harry took care of it this morning." Steve told Catherine and pointed at Harry.

"Ah!" Catherine answered, wondering if Harry would taste good enough to choose a clothes for her.

"And for the sake of this mission, you guys are married," Harry said, extending two rings.

Steve was a bit embarrassed, because everyone there knew a little of his story with Catherine and that also made him think about the marriage proposal he didn't make.

Catherine, for her part, smiled. She also thought about her ring that Steve hadn't given her. She felt an emotion, even knowing it was just a disguise and looked at Steve, wanting to know his reaction.

"I do." Steve answered, filling her heart with happiness.

"Oh, sailor, I know you still love me, and I really want it to come true one day." Catherine thought, smiling.


	9. Chapter 9

Catherine was getting dressed to go to the casino when Steve knocked on the door.

"Catherine, it's time! We can't be late," Steve said impatiently.

"I'm coming, Steve! That's not easy!" Catherine replied.

A few minutes later she opened the door.

"So, what do I look like? Am I looking rich?" Catherine asked, smiling.

"Yes, you're. I wouldn't even look at you because I'd think you were the most snobbish woman in the world," Steve said seriously, but Catherine knew he was joking.

"You look wonderful, you almost make me forget why we're here," Steve said, honestly.

"You're also very handsome," she said, smiling at him.

"But I see something is missing," Steve said, entering the bedroom.

"What?" Catherine asked.

"That," Steve said, showing her the ring. He took her hand and placed the ring on her finger.

Catherine watched him put the ring on her finger, wishing it was true.

"Now you're ready", Steve said, offering his arm to her.

When they reached the living room, everyone looked at her.

"You look beautiful, Catherine! If you weren't married, I'd marry you," Harry said playfully.

"Be careful what you say, Harry. Her husband is an animal," Danny said, joking too.

Let's left the joking aside and focus on the plan", Steve said, calling for more attention to the team.

"Everyone already knows what to do!" Harry said.

"Let's do it!" Said Steve.

"The car is out there," Harry said, handing the key to Steve.

Catherine was in the car with Steve while Junior and Gutches were together in another car.

"So Steve, what kind of a couple should we be?" Catherine asked, looking at him.

"I think that a bored couple," he replied.

"Why? Would it be boring to be married to me?" Catherine asked.

"What? No, that's not what I said! You're very sentimental lately, Catherine!"

"OK. Sorry!" Catherine replied.

They were silent for the rest of the way and entered the casino, following Harry's directions.

Catherine sat down next to the target, who looked at her with a malicious look and she also flirted with him.

Steve looked at her questioningly and he feelt jealous her.

And Catherine replied with another look, as if to say: "dear, it's for the good of the mission!" But she loved that he was jealous her.

Catherine took half of his chips and he complained as part of the disguise.

"Are not you going to wait for the divorce, to get me half of everything?"

Catherine looked at him, wanting to laugh, but restrained herself. "Don't be a caveman, dear."

Upon hearing this, Steve's thoughts flew to the time when they were well, almost living together. But he quickly came back to reality.

The plan went on, and Steve almost have an attack when she flirted clearly with the target.

"Stop it, Steve! Control yourself!" he told himself.

Catherine's flirtation worked and they were able to execute the plan. They ran to the car and followed the target.

"Go, Steve, we can't lose him!" Catherine said, urging him to go faster.

"You liked flirting with him, didn't you?" Steve asked.

"What?" You're kidding me, aren't you? " Catherine asked, incredulous that he was saying that.

After they discovered the target's address, they returned to the safe house and Catherine entered, heading straight to her room.

"What happened, McGarrett?" Harry asked.

Steve just opened his arms and shrugged his shoulders.

"Apologize! Apologize for what you did and for what you didn't do! " Harry said.

"Harry's right," Danny told Steve.

Steve waited a while, then went to her room. He knocked on the door and she told him to come in. She was sitting on the bed, removing the makeup.

Steve sat down beside her, but she didn't look at him.

"I don't want to talk to you," she said.

"No problem, I don't want to talk either," he said, turning her to him and kissing her intensely.

He paused for them both to breathe.

"Why do you have to be so irresistible?" Catherine said, pulling him into another kiss.


	10. Chapter 10

The next day, Steve was thoughtful after Catherine told him she knew about him and Greer.

"She knew everything and yet she didn't refuse to help me, and she didn't blame me for Joe's death either, if I hadn't gotten involved with Greer, none of this would be happening, Joe would still be here," Steve thought.

Steve watched her pack her things out to hunt for Hassan. "Where did I go wrong with you? Why did you leave me, Catherine?" he just thought while he looked at her.

Unaware of his thoughts, Catherine was focused on the mission. She wanted to find Hassan and find out where Greer was.

"Who Greer thinks it's to decree the death of the man I love? She's angry at him because he left her to stay with me. It's not my fault he never loved her," Catherine thought.

Catherine looked at him and kept thinking, "At some point in my life he loved me. Now I don't know if there is any love on his part."

But Catherine and Steve's thoughts were interrupted by Harry.

Guys, are you ready? Let's get Hassan and we'll not return without him!

Everyone agreed.

Catherine approached Steve.

"Steve, be careful and stay safe."

I'll be careful, Cath. Be safe, too".

"Ok", she answered.

The mission was successful and Steve managed to arrest Hassan and discover Greer's whereabouts.

Back at the safe house, Steve gathered the team and asked for a minute's attention.

"I want to thank each of you for your cooperation. Without you I wouldn't be able to get the man who ordered Joe's death. It's great to know that I'm not alone, that I still have friends."

Catherine was saddened by the word "friends." She was not just a "friend", although he defined her with that word for years while they were together.

"So you can go home now, Steve," Danny said, relieved that he could return to Hawaii.

"No, Danny, I'll not go home without bringing that traitor back to jail," Steve said and Catherine agreed with him.

"Let the Chinese police arrest her, Steve," Danny said, wanting Steve to go home with him.

"No, Danny. This is personal to me and Catherine goes with me," Steve said, without consulting her, but she had already said that she would be with him until the end.

"Yes," Catherine replied, confirming.

"And you, Junior, go with Danny and tell Eddie that I miss it. It's an order," Steve told Junior.

"I'll tell Eddie, Steve," Junior replied.

"And as for you, Harry, I thank you for everything, for the help and advice," Steve said, referring to the advice on Catherine.

"You're welcome, Steve," Harry answered.

"And as for you, Gutches ..."

Gutches raised his hand, motioning for Steve to stop talking.

"I'll go with you, Steve, if it's personal to you, it's personal to me too." Greer betrayed us all, as he handed over his co-workers, I'll go with you and Catherine, and I don't accept "no" as response, "Gutches said.

Steve thought for a few seconds. "All right, Gutches."

"Catherine, the shoes and the dress are a gift to you," Harry said.

"Thank you, Harry, I loved this dress, you have very good taste," Catherine told him, smiling.

"Thank you," he replied.

"Frank's daughter is taking us back?" Danny asked.

"Yes. She will take you guys and then come pick us up when we have Greer again," Steve replied.

"Steve, I just booked a house, next to Greer's house, for three days. You'll be able to wait for the best time to get her," Harry said, closing the laptop.

"Thank you, Harry," Steve said.

Danny, Junior and Harry returned home, and Steve, Catherine and Gutches went to China, to look for Greer.

Hours later, they arrived at the house that Harry rented for them temporarily.

Catherine soon appropriated one of the bedrooms. "Excuse me, boys. Harry taught me that I need to preserve my privacy."

"She's so serious today," Gutches commented.

"Yes", Steve said.

Steve and Gutches settled in the other bedroom.

It was already night and Catherine was watching Greer's house with binoculars when Steve entered the her bedroom.

Hey, Cath.

Hey, Steve.

"She probably will not go out at night, so leave it for tomorrow and go rest," Steve said as he approached her.

"I'm not sleepy," Catherine replied.

"I don't either".

"I have a question," Catherine said, looking at him.

What?

"Have you had , or do you still have feelings for her?"

"No, Catherine. It was just physical, there was never any feeling."

Catherine just nodded.

"Any more questions?" Steve asked.

"What about Lynn? Any feelings?" Catherine asked.

"You're the one I said, "I love you." Steve told her.

Catherine felt tears welling in her eyes. "I can say the same," she said, looking through the binoculars again.

Steve moved closer to her, took the binoculars from her hand and hugged her tightly.

"Of all the hugs, yours is what I never forgot," Steve whispered in her ear.

Catherine hugged him, too, and they both remained silent. Words weren't necessary because the embrace is the meeting of two hearts.

PS: Thank you for your review.


	11. Chapter 11

Steve and Catherine watched Greer for two days and decided to take action on the third day. When she left, they opened the back door of her house and waited for her to come back. When she got home, Catherine was waiting for her, hidden. Steve followed behind Greer.

Catherine heard when Steve came in and prepared to take action when needed, and when Greer pointed the gun at Steve, she did the same to Greer.

When Greer told Steve that maybe she hadn't done all she did for the money, Catherine was sure that Greer did it all out of jealousy, out of spite that Steve traded her for Catherine .

All Steve's SEAL team had been murdered because of Greer's betrayal. Wives were left without husbands, children were left without parents and Steve was left without his mentor and almost father.

"But I'll not be without Steve," Catherine thought at the moment she shot Greer because she threatened to take his life.

Catherine saw that Steve looked upset as he crouched down beside Greer's body. She went down the stairs and crouched beside him.

"I'm sorry, Steve, it was her or you, and I would never choose her, I would never let her get you out of me. Though we aren' together anymore, I know you're alive and it comforts my heart," Catherine said to him, standing up while he remained silent.

After they had resolved all the bureaucracy, they went back to the house Harry had arranged for them.

Gutches saw they both looked upset.

"You did what you had to do. You couldn't let her kill Steve," Gutches told her.

"Thank you, Gutches." Catherine said and then went to her bedroom.

"Don't let her feel guilty, Steve," Gutches told him.

Catherine started packing her things in her backpack when Steve entered the room.

"Catherine, I want you to know that I don't blame you for what happened to Greer. I just blame myself for getting me involved with her.

Catherine didn't answer, just nodded.

"And about the two of us ..." Steve spoke, but Catherine interrupted him.

"There's no more us, isn't that what you're going to say?" she said.

"People tell me that I need to find someone else , that I only can forgets a love with another love, but I couldn't forget you even if I wanted to," Steve said.

"But?" Catherine asked.

"But I'm not ready yet," Steve replied.

These words hurt Catherine like a stab.

"Okay," she replied, omitting her pain and trying not to cry in front of him.

Steve stood there, staring at her. Pride still held him back, making him remember that she said he wasn't enough. But at the same time his heart told that she didn't deserve this after all she'd done for him, standing beside him when he needed her.

"Excuse me, Steve, I'll get ready to go," Catherine said, pulling him out of her thoughts.

"Sure, Catherine," Steve said, leaving her room.

"Steve!" Catherine called him back.

"What?" he asked.

"You know you can call me when you need me."

"I know, Cath."

A few hours later, they returned to their starting point. Catherine remained silent during the flight and Steve exchanged a few words with Gutches.

When they arrived at the airport, Gutches said good-bye to Catherine and then to Steve.

Catherine and Steve said goodbye to each other and Steve let her know that he was grateful to Joe for bring her into his life. They both hugged and thrilled.

"Until next time," Catherine told him as she walked toward the car.

Steve watched her leave, blaming himself for not stopping her.

"We don't say goodbye, after all I know we still love each other," Steve thought.

"I'm going to keep loving you all my life, I'll tell myself every day that you love me and you'll come back to me. I'll not get tired of waiting for you," Catherine thought, steadfast in her purpose to get him back someday...


	12. Chapter 12

Steve returned to the ranch to settle some pendency, while Catherine returned to her life of secret agent.

Catherine had hoped that Steve would ask her to stay, but that didn't happen. She was a little disappointed, but she wouldn't give up on him.

"As much as it may seem like a distant dream, I still hope he'll truly forgive me someday", Catherine thought as she entered the house.

A few days later, Steve returned to Hawaii.

It was Sunday, and Junior was in his room when he heard the door opening and closing soon after. He was then sure Steve had come home.

Before Junior got up, Steve knocked on his bedroom door.

"Hey, Junior", Steve said as Junior opened the door.

"Hey, Steve!" Junior said and hugged him. "I'm very happy that you're back. Welcome home".

"Thank you, Junior", Steve replied with a smile, but Junior could still see the pain he was trying to hide behind that smile.

"Were you able to get Greer back to prison?" Asked Junior.

"No, Junior. Catherine killed her because she was going to shoot me".

"Wow, Catherine always is ready to defend you", Junior said.

"I know she does, and I'll also always be ready to defend her", Steve replied, remembering the day he confronted Lou and his team to rescue Catherine from the kidnappers.

"And where did she go now?" Junior asked.

"I don't know. She can be anywhere in the world now", Steve replied.

Three months later...

Catherine was in her rented place near the headquarters of the CIA. She hadn't left for a new mission yet, because she was expecting a meeting that would soon happen, and all the agents were summoned.

She was sitting on the couch in front of the TV, but wasn't paying attention to anything, she was only thinking about Steve. Several times a day, every day, she wanted to call him, but she always gave up.

"I don't need a reason to call him, after all. We've known each other for years and I can call just to know how he's," Catherine thought.

Steve was leaving headquarters when Catherine called him.

"Catherine, what a good surprise", he said.

"Hi, Steve, I'm just calling to find out how you are", Catherine said.

"I'm surviving, Cath", he replied.

"I understand, I honestly do", Catherine said, sighing.

"You don't look well", Steve told her.

"I'm not very well, I'm surviving too. I want to leave the CIA, Steve".

"I thought you were happy, doing what you're doing", Steve said.

"But the truth is I'm not happy", Catherine replied.

"So I hope you get what you want", Steve replied.

"Thank you, Steve. Good Evening".

"Good evening, Cath. It was very good to hear your voice".

A few days later Catherine attended the meeting with the new director, and she was surprised to find out who the new director was".

During the meeting, the director called some names and he also called the name of Catherine. "You're fired," he said.

Catherine didn't believe it when she heard this. "I'm free!" She thought.

After the meeting was over, Catherine was called into the director's office.

Catherine entered the room and hugged the director. "Thank you, Godfather!"

"You're welcome, Catherine, I'm not going to let the ex-director blackmail you, my goddaughter. You should have told me everything sooner".

"When I told you everything, I couldn't imagine you would be the new director". Catherine said.

"I wanted to surprise you. I owe a lot of favors to your father, if I'm here today, it's because he helped me there in the beginning", he replied, hugging her.

"I'll be happy again", Catherine said excitedly.

"Yes, call McGarrett and tell him you're free now".

"I'm going to do it, Godfather". And again: Thank you! I love you!" Catherine said, releasing him.

"Thank me for being happy. My reward is to see you happy", he said.

Catherine left the CIA building and opened her arms and closed her eyes.

"Freedom!" She said, feeling the wind on her face.

"Steve?" she said as she opened her eyes.

"Hey! I heard you're a free girl now, so I thought: maybe she'll give me a chance again, maybe she'll want me back", Steve said expectantly.

Catherine approached him and hugged him. "Of course I want you back! Actually, I never wanted to leave you," she said, looking him in the eye. "How I lost your blue eyes", she said, smiling.

"I want you back, Cath, I can't live without your kisses and your hugs", Steve said, kissing her urgently.

Steve reached into his pocket and took the ring. "I've discovered a long time ago that I want to spend the rest of my life with you, and I want the rest of my life to start as fast as possible. Do you want to marry me?"

"Yes, I want marry you, love of all my life", she replied.

"Can we have children too?" Steve asked.

"Yes! You'll be a wonderful father."

"I'm also sure they'll have the best mother in the world", Steve said with a smile.

Three months later...

Lou arrived at headquarters and Danny and the rest of the team were reunited.

"Any word from Steve? It's been three months since he's gone", Lou told Danny.

"No news. No one can talk to him", Danny replied.

"Well, actually I have news of him. He asked me to deliver this to you guys", said Junior, handing an envelope to each of them.

Tani opened the envelope quickly. "Steven John McGarrett and Catherine Elizabeth Rollins invite you to their wedding ceremony," said Tani, reading part of the wedding invitation.

"At the ranch in Montana", Danny said.

"We count on the presence of our entire Ohana", said Jerry, reading the final part of the invitation.

"I have to say he surprised me", Danny said.

Catherine looked at herself in the mirror and liked to see herself dressed as a bride.

"You look wonderful!"

"Doris, did you come?" Catherine said in surprise.

"Of course ye! I wouldn't miss my son's wedding, and I'm here representing your mother too, I'm sure she would be very happy to see you getting married".

Catherine was thrilled.

"No, don't cry! Today is a day of smiling!" Doris said, hugging her.

"Thank you, Doris".

Catherine's godfather took her to Steve. Steve smiled as she approached him, but he was very nervous.

"Take good care of her, McGarrett", said Catherine's godfather.

"She's the one who always looks after me", Steve replied.

"You're the most beautiful bride I've ever seen", Steve told her.

"You look handsome too!"

"I have no words to describe my feelings now", Steve said, kissing her hand.

"Where there is true love no need words. Look always in my eyes because through them you can see my love for you", Catherine said looking into his eyes...

End.

Thank you for reading this story. I hope you enjoyed it.


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